ConfirmThem

By AndrewHyman Posted in Humor — Comments () / Email this page » / Leave a comment »

He could say this:

Yes, the Roe v. Wade decision was an act of raw judicial will that has cost millions of sentient human beings their lives. Yes, that decision has diminished democracy and made a mockery of the Constitution. But it's time for everyone to admit that women are entitled to kill their children. Women's liberation means being able to have sex without worrying about pregnancy, and it means wreaking vengenace upon all of those pesky little children who have plagued our existence from time immemorial. If I am confirmed as a Supreme Court justice, I promise to dole out lots of rights to other litigants, too. The right of robbers to rob. The right of wives to beat their disobedient husbands. The right of people named "Chuck" and "Teddy" to run red lights and cut in line whenever they want to. Yes, I'll create whatever rights are necessary in order to win votes from the Senate. If Senators want someone who will shape and mold society, and who will force the majority to absorb the dictates of the minority, then I'm your man.

Expect Chuck Schumer to immediately thereafter issue a press release saying that Schumer never had a litmus test, and feigning surprise that Alito ever felt any pressure on the abortion issue.