Humor

Posted at 11:54pm on May 15, 2008 Breaking News....

By AndrewHyman

This just in from California: the state supreme court has just decided that the words "man" and "woman" each apply equally to people of both sexes, and are therefore completely interchangeable words. Any non-compliant state government document shall be burned forthwith and post haste. Every man has a constitutional right to be called a woman, and vice versa.

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Posted at 6:22pm on Jan. 6, 2008 Confirm Applebaum?

By AndrewHyman

The Onion has a humorous confirmation-related article.

Hat Tip: John Kalinger.

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Posted at 10:11pm on Feb. 27, 2007 Blackmun: The Musical!

By John Kalinger

Hi, I’m John Kalinger and I’m the Research Director at Committee for Justice where I work with another ConfirmThem blogger, Curt Levey. I’ve wanted to publish my first post here on ConfirmThem for a while, but I was waiting for the right moment/story/idea. Well, here it is:

The Hill reports that Broadway producer Jay Harris has purchased the rights to Linda Greenhouse’s 2005 book Becoming Justice Blackmun: Harry Blackmun's Supreme Court Journey “for adaptation as a stage play and possibly a motion picture.” (Hat tip: Ed Whelan) Mr. Harris also produced the musical comedy “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” which somehow seems appropriate.

No, this is not a joke. At least, it’s not an intentional joke.
(More fun below!)

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Posted at 8:54pm on Oct. 19, 2006 Roberts' or Roberts's Again

By AndrewHyman

On August 10 of last year, I wrote a riveting post here at ConfirmThem about whether the possessive of Roberts is properly Roberts’ or Roberts’s. I’m happy to read that Professor Matt Franck agrees today, over at Bench Memos. :)

And, believe it or not, there is actually an Apostrophe Protection Society, dedicated to preventing its misuse, and dedicated to severely punishing transgressors. Well, maybe not that last part.

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Posted at 2:02pm on Sep. 5, 2006 This Kid Knows The Score

By Lorie Byrd

Okay, so maybe he got a few of them out of order, but he certainly understands the big picture:

"Let me explain the government to you. There’s God, then there’s the president and then there’s my father.”

— Jack Roberts, 6-year-old son of Chief Justice John Roberts, overheard speaking to one of his young peers on the last day of summer camp

Quote via Yeas and Nays at the Examiner.

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Posted at 3:50am on Sep. 3, 2006 Why Is Neptune Qualified?

By AndrewHyman

I don't think Senate judicial confirmation hearings should focus exclusively on legal matters. The sanity and acumen of nominees can be tested by a variety of questions. For example, consider this about the International Astronomical Union (IAU), courtesy of the Boston Globe:

The IAU determined last week that a planet must orbit the sun and be large enough to assume a nearly round shape, as well as "clear the neighborhood around its orbit." Pluto's oblong orbit overlaps Neptune's, which led the IAU to downsize the solar system to eight planets from the traditional nine....[A] petition opposing the IAU definition of a planet is circulating among the world's planetary scientists and astronomers.

Obviously, Neptune hasn't been able to clear Pluto out of its path, so why should Neptune be deemed a planet? What are those people at the International Astronomical Union smoking? Any nominee who agrees with the IAU on this should be deemed presumptively insane. Why hasn't the President weighed in on this?

More below the fold....

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Posted at 3:49pm on Mar. 15, 2006 Sen. Stabenow -- Dangerously Incompetent

By Marshall Manson

Acording to her very own sign.

Tim Chapman has the art.

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Posted at 1:05pm on Mar. 1, 2006 Dance Contest Instead of Senate Nomination Hearings

By AndrewHyman

TeaCupMammoth makes the humorous proposal, here.

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Posted at 1:48am on Jan. 31, 2006 Congratulations, Judge Alito!

By AndrewHyman

But I still say Bush should have nominated Danny Way. :-)

UPDATE: See comment #29 for some really unfortunate developments related to the recent cloture vote.

UPDATE #2: The up-or-down vote is now occurring. More than 50 senators have already voted for confirmation. Expect a final tally of 58-42.

UPDATE #3: The official tally is 58-42.

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Posted at 5:38pm on Jan. 22, 2006 Football open thread

By krempasky

or any other football related discussions.

It's a great day when you can root for the Steelers and cheer on Lynn Swann for GOV at the same time. God bless America.

Update [2006-1-22 16:39:46 by krempasky]: - again, for your listening pleasure. Here We Go...

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Posted at 7:25pm on Jan. 12, 2006 Joe Biden, Time Traveler

By Carol Platt Liebau

Hugh Hewitt's at it again -- much to Joe Biden's detriment. At7:13 a.m. this morning on "Good Morning America" , "Slow Joe" criticized Judge Alito's allegedly incomplete and insufficient answer to a question he didn't end up asking the judge until 10:25 a.m. -- three hours later.

All the sordid details (and time-stamps) at Radioblogger.

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Posted at 2:45pm on Jan. 12, 2006 I Wonder Who Helped Teddy

By Lorie Byrd

Sorry this is too late, but a Polipundit reader just informed me that Ted Kennedy was taking suggestions for Alito questions here. Do you think maybe some of those Kennedy questions were submitted by frequenters of the Democratic Underground message boards?

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Posted at 4:26pm on Jan. 11, 2006 Look Mighty Fine in That Cap, Senator!

By Carol Platt Liebau


Q: What happens to a Princeton baseball hat when Joe Biden wears it?

A: It becomes a dunce cap.

Obviously stung by the laughter that his antics yesterday elicited, at about 2:15 eastern, Joe Biden attempted to reconcile his conflicting statements about Princeton -- and then topped it off by actually putting on a Princeton cap. Oh my.

To his credit, Judge Alito merely smiled, instead of bursting into hoots of derisive mirth. Talk about self-discipline!

And this guy is taken seriously as a potential Democratic presidential contender?!

(Photo HT: Radioblogger)

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Posted at 11:58pm on Jan. 10, 2006 One Question Too Many

By Lorie Byrd

Ed Morrisey has been doing some excellent blogging at the Alito hearing. Visit Captain's Quarters and just keep scrolling. I particularly love his post about the following exchange with Schumer, which I missed.

After holding up his Robert ByrdTM mini-Constitution, Schumer demanded several times whether he still believes as he wrote in his 1985 memo that he doesn't think abortion has Constitutional protection. Alito demurred each time, saying that he would have to weigh each case in light of its facts and its reliance on precedence. Like the bad lawyer he has proven himself to be, Schumer asked one question too many:

Q: Does the Constitution protect free speech?

A: Yes, Senator, the First Amendment protects free speech.

Q. Well, why can you give me a straight answer on that issue but not give me a straight answer on abortion?

A. Because the text of the Constitution explicitly includes the term "free speech".

Case closed. It's like watching the Washington Generals play the Harlem Globetrotters.

(Cross-posted at Polipundit.)

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Posted at 5:29pm on Jan. 9, 2006 The opening statements

By Paul Zummo

In haiku form.

HT: KJL.

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Posted at 10:47am on Dec. 31, 2005 2006 Predictions

By krempasky

Since RedState is down for the weekend...

  • The Indianapolis Colts do not win the Super Bowl
  • The team drafting first in the NFL trades down to let someone else draft Reggie Bush.
  • President Bush gets the chance to nominate another Supreme Court Justice, but Democrats stonewall until after the midterm elections. The nominee is confirmed when Dems fail to take back the Senate.
  • John McCain's "torture Amendment" is signed into law. President Bush's nominees to the Federal Election Commission are confirmed. Coincidence?
  • Mike Pence stays at the helm of the RSC, where for the first time in a long time, Conservatives stage a revolt over a rule - and win. Likely candidate? President Bush's immigration "reform"
  • Sean Hannity overtakes Rush Limbaugh in weekly listeners
  • Pajamas Media has a major overhaul of its business model.
  • Pajamas Media has another major overhaul of its business model.
  • Wal-Mart has a very, very good year.

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Posted at 4:34pm on Dec. 13, 2005 Judge Bork on a Different Kind of Original Intent

By Marshall Manson

There's a letter of critical importance on the subject of original intent -- albiet of a different variety -- in today's WSJ by Judge Robert Bork. Let me quote the central tenet:

What counts in mixology is the "original understanding" of the martini's essence by those who first consumed it. The essence remains unaltered but allows proportions to evolve as circumstances change. Mr. Felten's "near-perfect martini" is the same in principle as the "original-understanding martini" and therefore its legitimate descendant. Such latter-day travesties as the chocolate martini and the raspberry martini, on the other hand, are the work of activist bartenders.

Wonkette has the full text of the letter and her own thoughts here.

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Posted at 8:43pm on Dec. 2, 2005 How Samuel Alito Can Win More Votes in the Senate

By AndrewHyman

He could say this:

Yes, the Roe v. Wade decision was an act of raw judicial will that has cost millions of sentient human beings their lives. Yes, that decision has diminished democracy and made a mockery of the Constitution. But it's time for everyone to admit that women are entitled to kill their children. Women's liberation means being able to have sex without worrying about pregnancy, and it means wreaking vengenace upon all of those pesky little children who have plagued our existence from time immemorial. If I am confirmed as a Supreme Court justice, I promise to dole out lots of rights to other litigants, too. The right of robbers to rob. The right of wives to beat their disobedient husbands. The right of people named "Chuck" and "Teddy" to run red lights and cut in line whenever they want to. Yes, I'll create whatever rights are necessary in order to win votes from the Senate. If Senators want someone who will shape and mold society, and who will force the majority to absorb the dictates of the minority, then I'm your man.

Expect Chuck Schumer to immediately thereafter issue a press release saying that Schumer never had a litmus test, and feigning surprise that Alito ever felt any pressure on the abortion issue.

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Posted at 9:48pm on Nov. 4, 2005 How to Demonize a Judge in Twelve Easy Steps

By AndrewHyman

See here. Hat Tip: Fred Barbash.

UPDATE: Scrappleface analyzes the Alito nomination here and here.

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Posted at 9:18pm on Oct. 28, 2005 LOL

By Carol Platt Liebau

It was suggested on MSNBC that Patrick Fitzgerald be nominated for the Supreme Court.

Before the KosKidz and other denizens of the left get hold of the conspiracy theory, you've read it here first: That's how Karl Rove escaped indictment! :)

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Posted at 6:43pm on Oct. 25, 2005 Mr. and Ms. Estrich

By AndrewHyman

"Maybe it's not sexist, although it is difficult to remember any man in recent history who has been treated so shabbily." --- Susan Estrich

Incidentally, more cartoons are available from Slate by clicking on the image above. :-)

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Posted at 5:32pm on Oct. 21, 2005 More Miers Cartoons

By AndrewHyman

Click on the confirmthem bloggers pictured below, to access more images from Slate. :-)

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Posted at 8:35pm on Oct. 18, 2005 Chapman on the Miers Nomination

By AndrewHyman

"Of course, it's possible many people oppose the nomination really because they can't stomach the idea of a woman on the Supreme Court. And it's possible Tom DeLay got indicted because the prosecutor hates Baptists." --- Steve Chapman

"President Bush tried to reassure conservatives that Harriet Miers was the best choice for the Supreme Court. He said twenty years from now she'll be the same person she was today. Twenty years ago she was a Democrat, and Catholic." ---Jay Leno

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Posted at 3:47pm on Oct. 8, 2005 Miers Cartoons & A3G

By AndrewHyman

Brace yourself. More here. Hat Tip: How Appealing. Also, don't miss A3G's story of how Miers was nominated, as told from a completely hypothetical anti-Miers point of view.

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Posted at 10:54pm on Oct. 4, 2005 Scrappleface on Cronyism

By AndrewHyman

Confirmthem crashed for a while this evening, but now we're back in business, and I hope we'll be able to prevent these glitches in the future. Anyway, Scrappleface is providing some humor mixed with wisdom, about the Miers nomination. Here's an excerpt:

Bush Fails to Pick Stranger for Supreme Court
by Scott Ott

(2005-10-03) -- A clearly disappointed President George Bush this morning announced that he had failed to locate a total stranger to replace retiring Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, and was forced to settle for someone he knows and trusts.

In a news conference to nominate White House Counsel Harriet Miers, 60, as an associate justice on the high court, Mr. Bush admitted, "I don't get out much, and I don't personally know very many total strangers. So, I had to settle for someone whose views, personality, intellectual abilities and work habits were familiar to me. I hope the American people will eventually find it in their hearts to forgive me."

I don't think the charge of cronyism will stick. I don't think that Ms. Miers is a political hanger-on, and I don't think she's been nominated without regard to her qualifications.

UPDATE: Here's a list of Supreme Court justices who had no prior judicial experience. Hat Tip: Bashman.

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Posted at 12:26am on Oct. 4, 2005 Just a Little Humor . . .

By Carol Platt Liebau

At the end of Andrew's post below is the link to a site with musings by "Judge Luttig."

Well, if you want to see what "Harriet Miers" thinks, check this out.

At the end of a long, grueling day, at least one thing's clear: Ms. Miers seems to like pink.

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Posted at 1:09pm on Sep. 21, 2005 We love you too, A3G!

By Feddie

Article III Groupie, mistress of the wildly popular blog "Underneath Their Robes," is a huge fan of Confirm Them. And given her high praise of CT, I thought it only appropriate to return the favor by promoting her blog here.

So what is UTR all about? Well, A3G describes her blog as "news, gossip, and colorful commentary about the federal judiciary," but it is so much more. It is the "inside baseball" blog for the federal judiciary. So if you're an avowed law nerd, make sure to add UTR to your daily reading list.

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Posted at 10:03pm on Sep. 18, 2005 Ending the Weekend on a Light Note

By Carol Platt Liebau

The incredibly gifted Mark Steyn ridicules the Democrats of the Senate Judiciary Committee here. It's dead on -- and priceless.

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Posted at 10:58pm on Sep. 8, 2005 Why Wait?

By AndrewHyman

Look into the blogosphere's crystal ball and see what will transpire next week at the Roberts confirmation hearings. Or, take a look back in time, to the hours preceding the nomination of Judge Roberts for Chief Justice.

Hat Tip: Patterico.

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Posted at 10:06pm on Aug. 24, 2005 On Vacation Until September 6

By AndrewHyman

I’m going on vacation, but of course others will be blogging here. Click on the image if you'd like to see some more Roberts cartoons:

I bet you've never seen a donkey-shark before, have you? :-) Conan O’Brien recently had some wisecracks about Roberts, at W’s expense:

President Bush announced his Supreme Court pick. Isn't that exciting? President Bush announced that he has nominated Judge John Roberts to the court. When asked why, Bush said he picked Roberts because he has one of the finest legal minds since Matlock. . . . President Bush had breakfast with his Supreme Court nominee John Roberts. Afterwards Bush said he's never seen such a qualified candidate, and John Roberts said he's never seen a grown man eat Count Chocula.

Feddie already linked to a funny Jon Stewart video regarding Roberts, and here’s more. Finally, some lesser-known remarks by the nominee....

In a case involving discrimination and a church-run school, Roberts wrote in an Aug. 2, 1984 memo, "There should be little press interest . . . since we are on the side of the black parents at this point."

In another memo, replying to an eccentric octogenarian who had suggested that the 17th Amendment (which mandated popular election of US senators) was invalid, Roberts said the White House would normally not reply, but should make an exception. ''Anyone who can quote inspiring passages from Plato and Webster, however, and use a word like 'slumgullion,' deserves a reply, and I have drafted one," he wrote.

In August of 1983, a University of Georgia professor wrote what Roberts called a "snide letter" to Reagan, alleging that a government agency was compiling a blacklist and suggesting that the government might investigate him for complaining about it. In a memo to his boss Fred Fielding, Roberts noted, "Once you let the word out there's a blacklist, everybody wants to get on."

Hat Tip: Villainous Company.

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